Choosing between watching a friend’s impeccable portrayal in the play “Three Unsent Letters” at the Virgin Labfest in CCP Complex and watching Transformers, I’ve got to watch the Transformers! Plus, I was warned the former has some graphic scenes, and no self-respecting man would want to watch his friend’s public display of balls. [Sorry, Al] Ma-shock pa si BebeKo mamaya at sabihing ‘Are those your kind of prens?’.
The Transformers, like any Michael Bay film has the signature fusion of humor and action [like my peyborit ultimate laugh out movie Bad Boys II]. The point of views is a real crack up as one frame shows testosterone-charged Sam (Shia LaBeouf ) struggling to score over hot chick Mikaela (Megan Fox) then suddenly transitions to looming war games in Qatar between Scorponok (evil robot) and US soldiers. Well, sex and war have same objective: to score. The good robots in the movie are led by Optimus Prime, astig na pangalan kaso tunog gatas ng mga nag-uulyanin. The decepticons or bad robots are led by master Megatron, no relations to ate Shawie pero parehong malaki ang panga.
Transformers is the invasion of robots from planet Cybertron. Mga bulalakaw silang nahuhulog galing kalawakan. They’re called autobots because of their ability to adopt to an unfamiliar territory and their power to mimic features of any object they want and ‘transform’ it into an advanced fighting machine. Isipin mo na lang kung dito nahulog sa Pinas ‘yung mga autobots na ‘yun. Pag sa may bandang Quiapo nahulog at ginaya ’yung mga pirated DVDs dun, wala sigurong gagawin ’yung autobot na ’yun kundi magtatalon-talon. Por life. Kung sa may bandang Raon naman na sikat na bilihan ng mga synthethic crying vaginas [’yung pag dinudutdot mo ay humahalinghing], siguradong ang labas non ay isang advanced RoboPekpek – ang tagapagtanggol ng mga naaaping pekpek. Lalamunin nya ang lahat ng mga manyak sa Metro Manila [which comprises of 95% of the male population, tayo naman ung upper 5%, hahaha!]. Kung si BumbleBee naman dito nahulog siguradong BumbleJeep ang kalalabasan nun, at pagpipilitan ng mga call center boys [‘yung mga taga-sigaw sa terminal ng jeep] na pagkasyahin ang tatlong dosenang pasahero.
Sige kasya pa! Kasya pa!
[Kahit one-inch na lang ’yung natitirang space sasabihing kasya pa, tarantado talaga ’yang mga call center boys na ’yan].
May emote scene din sa Transformers. Nung pinagpira-piraso ni Megatron si Jazz – isang modified Pontiac Solstice in three-seconds, nalungkot ako bigla kasi kamukha ni Jazz si Hulog, ’yung motor ko sa probinsiya. Hulog ang tawag ko dun kasi hulugan in three years, saka hulog ng langit na din sa ’kin. Dami na naming pinagsamahan nun. Kung paano ako nakakauwi ng bahay ng madaling araw kahit sobrang wasted na ako, I owe it to him. Pag nagti-trip din akong mag-stargazing over a bottle of Red Horse sa Buntun Bridge, [second longest bridge sa Pinas] pede kong gawin anytime dahil always redi si Hulog. Nag-email nga kahapon si Kuya, nakita daw niya si Mommy umiiyak at hinahaplos-haplos si Hulog sa garahe. Miss na din talaga ako ng Mommy ko. Miss ko na silang lahat.
Moral lesson ng movie is ‘There is more than meets the eye’. Pag ginawa mo siyang bugtong, masasagot din ‘yan ng makulit kong pamangkin na si Duday. Sasabihin no’n ay muta. But seriousli, there are hidden meanings to a person or person’s act or way of life. Kahit naman mukhang pokpok material si Mikaela (Fox) ay maabilidad sa kotse. Kaya di lahat ng may big boobs e walang brain cells. Or something like that.
